Crabwell Manor - Earl of Chester Suite Bar

Through the small yet plush corridors of the manor one wanders in search of a drink. I come across the party taking play in the room which, according to the account above the door, belongs to the Earl of Chester. Within are a few comfortable furnishings and a small corner bar. The bar has a Queue of around five people and the service is terribly slow even though you can count of two hands the possible variety of drink combinations. Taking his time and looking ever more grumpy I request service and am charged an astounding five pounds for a single spirit with mixer. Quite taken aback I wait the last few minutes for the barman to work out the change before I move back into the callously constructed dance-floor.

Overall this is one bar to steer clear of and even with the slowest service around it somehow tops the bar in the neighbouring room…just barely - 2/10

Crabwell Manor Hotel Bar

Standing up at the bar in some kind of badly fashioned queue, in a room that feels much like the clubhouse of a golf club, the much talked about Bar at Crabwell Manor House Hotel in Chester is embarrassing, degrading and for lack of a better word, appalling. The selection behind the bar is reasonable and the queue doesn’t seem to be too long to get a drink but I watch as the bar man painstakingly pours drinks, one at a time before getting the request for the next drink until an order is done. During this process I watch him mistakenly pour a normal coke on top of a double vodka when diet coke was requested, at which point he didn’t know what to do with the glass. This was later followed by the bar-man asking me if Drambuee was considered a liquor as he punched the sky high prices into his till.

At around £5 for a single and mixer for the privilege of having the slowest barman in the known universe completely saddened me, the lush grounds of this manor are truly tainted by bad service and untrained staff - 2/10

Bradley’s Spanish Bar

Hidden away on a very narrow street just a short walk from Tottenham Court road station is the rather dangerous looking spanish bar. Inside a pierced tattooed couple cheerily serve a handful of regulars. pints come in at 350 each but theres almost no where to stand or sit. There’s an old vinyl jukebox as the centrepiece playing rock tunes and the occasional pop ballard. There’s also a bar downstairs looking the same as upstairs but with the foul odour of the toilets - some of the worst i’ve seen. (nstead punters remain outside and drink happily in the road, with taxis narrowing sliding behind their behinds as thy teeter on the edge of a tiny pavement.

Overall the spanish bar as a unique character which is fully endorsed by its regulars but its really too small and smelly to lure inside anyone that feels completely happy paying these prices for beer - 5/10

The Assembly House Pub

A rather grand pub just a very brisk walk away from Kentish Town tube station, a location that one might assume was just home to small Irish pubs. In fact the Assembly house has very high ceilings with its hall like interior, bright with long windows through which the light is pouring. Inside the venue is only about a third full and its midday on a Saturday so I half expect it to be more full when i walk past later that evening, in fact it isn’t, if anything at around 10pm on a Saturday night it looks just as empty, with a number of old sagging - well used couches and sofas. The bar and the venue as a whole is large though and if it were any less bright it might be considered Gothic with an ornate ceiling at the back and decorative work on the glass over the bar. The clientele are heading into their 40’s and seem happy as can be, their smiles flashing reflectively in the mirror at the back of the pub. The drinks are well priced and it has that family-run feel about it.

Overall the assembly house is a lot more grand inside than it looks from outside, but few recognise it for its mighty pub feel as younger crowds in the surrounding area head to fancier pubs like the Grand Union, a shame, such a wasted space - 6/10

Liams Imaginary Pub

Entering some sort of drink induced fantasy world Liam stumbled out of the Bavarian Beerhouse in Old Street and some hours later turned to me on the Tube home insistent that I should write a post about a fantasy pub in his imaginary world. Not his ideal pub in the real world of course since such a thing does not exist but here’s what he had to say:

“Its not allowed. *Sticks his tongue out* Your correct, Sir! Nothings good about it. It has drinks. Shut up man, I need to cool it for a bit. Its cool cool cool I’m getting off at Edgware..”

He enters a deep slumber and gets off at Finchley Central, quite dazed and confused. I have no idea what he was on about but a promise is a promise.

Alternative Club

There is nothing more irriating than going to a bar and then years later not having a clue what the bar was called or even being very sure where it was. Basically while working for rather prestigious internet company, we arrived at this venue in a black cab at an extrance that was literally a blacked out door in a solid, rather vandalised wall on a bridge. The door opened and we were led inside one of the weirdest venues I have ever been in. It was a sunny afternoon at some of the club was open air with some as lounge like rooms with comfy couches, yet there was also a galley- upon which you could peer down the three storeys into the pit of the club below to observe a sheek darkened bar and brickwork dancefloor. We utilised the club to conduct some focus groups with 20 or so senior management watching screens in the lounge with candidates filmed ina  neighbouring room playing with products and drinking wine.

Overall a hugely surreal experience and although not the most informative review for selecting a club to hit of a night out, it certainly looked liek the kind of private club I wouldnt mind being a member of - whatever it was called - 7/10

R.E.D. Bar and Restaurant

Advertised as a cocktails and lounge bar outside we are told “they are not ready yet” 9although later I find out that this is actually two venues rolled into one and we are seated in the restaurant area. Old people argue in the corner to slow Spanish music while others drink tea. The service is painfully slow, it takes our waiter takes half an hour to serve us and they are eager to snatch back the menus from us quite promptly. The decor is respectable, very bright inside and more like a kitchen showroom than a bar, with a deli counter at the back. It seems to be more staff than residence filling the places as waiters chefs and old folk stand about nattering, blocking walkways and raising the volume. Fake fruits and wines sit in the window as tacky additives. I think what enticed us inside was the seating out front, which apparently was not served by the staff.

Drinking our drinks we notice the waiters watch us too closely and we feel uncomfortable, the smell of olives in the air is one of the few nice touches. I remain unimpressed with no ice for my bottled cider and everything is too expensive- at around 425 a pint. Apparently the venue is part of the Samuel smiths brewery. We leave with the natter of foreign tongues behind us, oh and the rose is misadvertised as blush - 2/10

Azzurro Italian Bar and Restaurant

Built into the arches of Waterloo bridge and somewhat hidden in the crevices of cavernous walls is Azzuro, an Italian bar with romantic restaurant with towering bright walls and a heavy transparent glass front. Inside the venue has a few select small tables with oddities like plants strewn in corners at a fireplace. Towards the back of the venue the small bar sits under a second storey look quite parched with its poor selection of drinks. Two taps dry up within an hour on this Tuesday evening. Further to the back and to the left is an upmarket restaurant but we sit close to the front of the bar and watch pedestrians steam by to catch trains.

Overall a rather overpriced bar but with a lovely atmospheric feel and some continent sourced food. Expect gay couples and schools of foreign teenagers hungry for a bite from the station and realise the character of the place - 6/10

Unknown Gastro Bar

What really irritates me is that I can’t remember the name of this venue having visited it just the once for an evening back in 2004. The entrance was raised with large bay windows facing onto the street outside. Within, a well sized wood floor with heavy tables either side of a gastro bar. Further through the pub, past the bar the stairs descended into a quaint and pretty garden unless you turned left in which case you would continue down narrower stairs until reaching the toilet. The lack of detail may astound you but the memory is clear as day with the place within easy walking distance of the tube station.

Overall a very classy, bright venue for summer drinks with girls in floral dresses - 7/10

If you think you know which bar this is or which one it was please leave a comment in the space below.

Cafe Rouge Bar and Restaurant

Lakeside is an enormous shopping centre so who can blame me for wanted to stop for a beer and a nibble in the “food court” which appeared to be tiny in comparison with the rest of the centre and with options few and far between we select Cafe Rouge. Essentially a chain french bar and restaurant which fancies itself for quite an up-market crowd but being in a shoppin centre, seriously deminishes its opportunity. Despite its failed market positioning the venue is comfortable but waiting staff are happy to ignore or turn noses up leaving the attitude hard to swallow. Food and drink is also more expensive than is necessary even for a shopping centre that wants to cash in on shoppers putting their feet up. In fact it is in a quieter part of the centre and that lets us take a few breaths and feel like we are a few hundred miles away from rugby tactic sales-orientated women and children screaming at folk in oversized cartoon character costumes.

Overall this place is particularly out of place, there are a few other restaurants that are really too nice to be popped in this mall but it does provide some relief from the world outside for an inflated cost - 4/10